dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
