why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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