9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
