fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
