things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
