i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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