my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
