My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize