I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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