I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
