Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
