Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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