Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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