Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
