I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
