Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
