you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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