I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
