ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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