You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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