my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
