I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
please come you make the beer taste better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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