that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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