We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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