Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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