P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize