You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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