Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
