Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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