just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
