Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
