the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize