What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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