So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
