"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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