Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
