and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
