So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize