ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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