This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
