Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
