Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When are your genitals available?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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