This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
