Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
