I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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