You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
