I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
