i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
