I puked a lego.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
