Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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