Your dad touched me again.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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