Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
