Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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