that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
