Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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