If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
