his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
