She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
