I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
