She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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