You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
