you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
