You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize