Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
