Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
