I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
