you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
