I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
