Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
