Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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