I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
